Well, well, I thought I would have more followers by now. I guess everyone is weary in joining my blog in fear I may pull a Jonestown drinking party on them. That's not right. Sorry to all the people who lost love ones 30 yrs ago. I meant David Kuresch in Waco, Tx. Do you know what Waco stands for ? What A Cook Out. haha. Old joke.
Speaking of jokes, I heard a funny Chris Rock joke about when white people can use the N - word. He said white people can only use the N-word when a black person comes up from behind you at Toys R Us at Christmas time. Takes your gift that is the last one in the store, p**s all over you. Kicks and stomps all over you and then starts running for the exits. You can get up and say "hey, stop that n-----!" The show was filmed in 3 locations and in all 3 - that was the best joke of the night. I still laugh at it bc of how he said it and how he acted when he kicked the person to the ground etc and took his gift.
I am a big fan of only a few comedians. I love Chris Rock. His HBO specials in 1996 & 1997 were funny. A true story is if "Bringing Down the Pain" special wasn't a commericial hit, he would've quit the business and did something else. Thank God it was a hit with his "toss the salad in prison" bit.
Speaking of comedians and salad, another guy I like is Ron "Tater Salad" White. He looks terrible now that fame and the 20 yrs of boozing set in on his liver and skin color. My Mom died of cirrhosis of the liver in 1993 after yrs of drinking after my Dad dropped dead of a heart attack in 1987. She was heartbroken, lonely and never got over it. Ron White is heading down that path. He looks bad. His first DVD "They call me Tater Salad" has some of the best jokes/stories in a 90 minute DVD than I have ever seen. The bit of his wheel fell the f*** off bc the guy at the auto store missed lug nut day at tire college was the funniest thing I heard in yrs. He just got arrested for having drugs in his place. He was booked and did a gig that night. haha. I missed a chance to see him in Philly bc the tix were $50 a head. He had 2 shows of 75 minutes. Like my brother in law said "that's a lot of money for only a small bit of Tater Salad."
My all-time favorite was Rodney Dangerfield. Man, I miss that guy. Encore keeps playing "Back to School." Classic.
"Listen Sherlock while you were up here tuck away with your ethics, I was out in the real world busting my hump. And it's because of guys like me donating buildings is the reason guys like you have a place to teach !"
"Poetry huh, maybe you can straighten out my Longfellow."
"Now that's what I call Marine Biology."
"You wanna talk about class, ok, fine. Here's a picture of you and Giorgio in the rumpus room-real classy. Here's a picture of you and Giorgio in the guest bedroom - classy huh. Oh, this one I can't understand, here's you, there Giorgio, what's with the midget over here. Oh wait I have more."
Speaking of movies - the new releases on Netflix have stunk ! Indiana Jones 4 was great till the last 30 min. Ugh. George Lucas should never make a movie again. He should get a new hair cut and hair style, bc the curling hair in the front of his head looks stupid and just retire on the billions of dollars he's worth. His Skywalker Sound or THX made him enough money he could use $100 bills as toilet paper, napkins and tissues in his house and never run out of money. Let alone what the Star Wars and Indy movies made him. His 2 kids are adopted. Wow, did they hit the motherload with him as a Father. Ka-ching !
The best movies in the last few yrs have been in my humble opinion - American Gangster, Zodiac, Mr. Brooks, The Bank Job, Cinderella Man and a few others that escape me. They simply aren't making quality stuff anymore. You have those frauds from SNL or Saturday Night Live making junk movies after junk movie like Blades of Glory or the Year of the Zohan. Are they serious? Why is Tina Fey so popular and famous now that she has her own silly show? Ugh. I've seen dogs do better acting catching a Frisbee than her. I dispise Amy Poehller and the rest are just hacks. Will Ferrell is funny at times, but all he does now is make movies to fill his swimming pool with greenbacks instead of water to swim in. Adam Sandler was great but now fills his 5 pools with the money he makes from his dumb movies.
Where is the comedy of Chevy Chase, Dan Akyroid and Bill Murray (Caddyshack, the Blues Brothers & Stripes) when you need it ?? Out the freaking door that's where. The best SNL in the last 10 yrs was the one with Peyton Manning on it. His United Way skit, his anchorman skit with picking office pools and his dancing with the hoops coach were the funniest things on TV I've seen and laughed at in a long time.
Too bad Chris Farley passed away. They could use his comedy. I once saw him in Chicago Second City club in 1989 when he wasn't famous. He wasn't even a headliner. It was one of Bill Murray's 9 brothers who was in "One Crazy Summer" with John Cusack and Demi Moore. Farley had us all busting up laughing with his crashing into tables and half attempts at backflips. Now there was a genius at work. Too bad his friends didn't have his back and take care of him. I read the Playboy story on him and basically everyone just gave up on trying to "save" him. He was dead months later. The writing was on the wall. No one bothered to look at it anymore. Sad.
I had to dry my eyes for a second there...
Football - I like Oklahoma to upset #2 Texas Tech. Please do not bet what's left of your 401 K savings on my predictions. What do I know? Actually, I would bet the ranch on USC-ND in 2 weeks. It's in California and USC loves some Irish Turkey for Thanksgiving. This tip is coming from a 21 yr fan of Notre Dame!!
The NFL - can't wait to see how Mcnabb blows this game for the Eagles! Sorry Eagle fans, he brings it on himself.
When the hell is Baseball Free Agency ? I want to see my 2008 World Series Champions make some moves so I can party on Broad Street next October !!
And to the guy who posted in Part II who said I was rough on commuters...SLOW WALKERS are a plague in a tight, narrow, corridor. If you want to stroll gingerly, then go in the car with your grandparents on Sundays when they take a 5 hr drive that could take a younger person 30 minutes and GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!
Tonight on TV - Survivor - 8 people left. I sure hope a lion eats Jeff Probst. He is kind of a tool. A good host for the show, but a bad actor.
Also Disc 2 of Season 5 of the Shield. THis Tuesday night is the series finale. I don't like the upcoming clips they showed. My boy Vic Mackey could be headed to the big house. At least it's better than that dumb Soprano's ending. David Chase should pay everyone's HBO fees for a yr to showing that garbage.
Damages, Nip/Tuck (not as great as it used to be) and LOST will be back in January. I can't wait.
Hey, our work is having a office party from 2-4 to celebrate all the new hires we hired since July. Free beer and grub on the firm. Ever since this new woman took over the party organizing, the lack of beer is apparent at every inner work function. When I started 6 yrs ago, there was so much beer left over, I stayed till 10 one night with 5 big wigs drinking and b.s. ing till it was gone. And I stayed till 11 one night playing beer pong in our main conference room bc there was so much beer left, 5 of us drank all we could and took the rest (2 more cases) home in backpacks and briefcases. Those days are over unfortunatey bc of this woman who everyone hates bc her personality is as fake as Pam Anderson's body. I go till the last beer is drank and go home. Lately this wont be too long past 4. They will order 3 cases of beer for a 150 person staff and 4 bottles of wine. Cheapskates.
Okay, till next time - the Catfish